AMDG

The first time I recall being exposed to these 4 letters and learning more about them was when I worked for Msgr. Corleone. He was an awesome priest who could have doubled as an extra in a Godfather film. I love this man with all my heart. So, Msgr. Corleone had these 4 letters as his custom license plate. When I inquired, he casually said it was the motto of his favorite order of priests. I didn't know Diocesan priests were so smitten with religious orders as to have their mottoes on their vehicles.

I googled. AMDG. Ad majorem Dei gloriam in Latin, typically translated "for the greater glory of God". This is the motto for the Society of Jesus or Jesuits. As a good CSC-educated woman, I'm all over Ave Crux Spes Unica or "the cross is our only hope." So, I learned about AMDG five or so years ago and put it in the back of my head.

I arrived at St. Francis of Assisi in July 2012. Imagine my surprise when this non-Jesuit parish had those beautiful letters ornately displayed on the front of the church. No one seems to know why the Jesuit motto landed there, but I encounter it daily.

Today, I started my day off with physical therapy for some minor back pain. I happen to utilize a large, Jesuit-founded medical group. So, as I sat in an uncomfortable waiting room chair at a ridiculously early hour (in my opinion), I realized I was staring at a crest bearing the Jesuit  motto.

AMDG. Ad majorem Dei gloriam. For the greater glory of God.

God has given me so many blessings: a loving family, tremendous friends, a job I love, and all my needs met. And, yet, I don't stop enough to give God due. God deserves my glory. God deserves for me to wake up each day and say, "God, I will do my best to use this day to give back to you. I give thanks for all you've given me. I will honor you with each of my actions and interactions today."

Hi. I'm the Epistemological Doorknob. And I'm human. I take things for granted. I sin. I don't treat everyone I encounter with my best. Sigh. So often in ministry, you let prayer become your work and forget to take time for your personal prayer life. Or you rush through it because you've been "praying all day". God is so present in every moment of your day and, at times, you find yourself taking God for granted.

I sign every letter I write with things like, "blessings and peace", "in Christ", "with prayers and blessings". How often do I stop and actually pray for those I am writing to? Almost never. How often do I finish a prayer service and think "onto the next task"? All too often. I am in a perfect environment for giving God glory in all I do. I take that for granted.

So, what did I do after physical therapy? I arrived at work. Instead of heading into the office, I walked across the street and entered a building with ADMG written across the front. I slid into the front pew just as everyone was standing for the opening hymn of daily Mass. I prayed. I gave God glory. Oh, sure, I was distracted. I thought about work. It's hard not to when staring at your boss and praying with your volunteers. But I tried. I made a consorted effort to slow down and give God glory.

Forget WWJD. Did you AMDG today?

Old friends

God has blessed me with opportunities to live, work, study, and minister all over the Midwest. This means I have wonderful loved ones throughout Indiana, Illinois, Iowa and Missouri. A truly formative time in my younger days was from Sept. 2003-Aug. 2004 as I spent a year as a chaplain at a hospital. I served alongside dozens of amazing people, including Rev. Tim.

CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) operates on a quarterly basis. My spring quarter, there was 5 of us working and studying closely together. Four of us were residents: myself, Rev. Tim, Deacon Gordon, and the infamous A. Rev. Christen was a student who later became a resident. To say we spent a lot of time together would be an understatement.

As residents, we were required to do a large number of 12-hour on-call shifts each month. We also had classes we had to take twice/week and hospital wings we were required to visit to check on patients' spiritual needs. It wasn't unusual to be on campus 50+ hours/week. In classes we shared our life stories and explored how they impacted our ministry. Once/week someone had to offer  pastoral counseling to someone in front of the class. About a real-life problem. And you were critiqued in how you counsel. It was intense, amazing, and wonderful.

A had always been a pain-in-the-neck and his antics increased that spring semester. We couldn't talk about him at work so Rev. Tim created a beautiful yahoo group called the AFZ standing for the A Free Zone. We could freely talk, gossip, vent, and bitch about A. Classy? Perhaps  not, but it got us through a rough few months and solidified our friendship as a foursome.

To say we were an odd mix of friends would be an understatement. Our age difference spans ~40 years, we are all different denominations, and have all different lifestyles/family situations. I love each of them dearly. They will/always be my chaplain brothers and sister.

With the exception of his love of University of Michigan football, Tim is a great guy. He is witty, intelligent, compassionate, and fun to be around. Save for a few emails from about 2004-2007 and a brief cup of coffee in Pittsburgh in Dec. 2004 (I was at a conference and he was a pastor in that area), we haven't seen each other. I recalled he was in the same general area of the country as I am, but it took me over a year of living here to get off my duff and touch base with him. I was thrilled to learn he was just 40 minutes away and a quick email reconnected us. Today, we finally saw each other for the first time in 9 years.

There was some catching up- his kids and wife, my divorce and moves, etc. We talked denominations- Pope Francis and the elected head of his denomination. We talked parish-specific talk as well. Big surprise.

Fascinatingly enough, Tim has some needs in regards to children's catechesis and ministry in his parish- something I know a thing or two about.  When we worked/studied together, Deacon Gordon showed us a method they used at his parish- something called Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. I knew very little about CGS at the time and, of course, had no inkling it would become my life's work and passion. Rev. Tim hadn't forgotten our visit to Gordon's parish either. My reconnecting email mentioned I had become involved in CGS and Tim was full of questions when we met. The idea of helping a friend bring something I love dearly to his parish is beyond exciting. It may or may not happen, of course. It may take years. That doesn't matter. Sometimes it's fun to minister with/to/for people outside of the folks you're paid to minister to!

Mostly, I am thrilled to have a dear friend, in ministry, living so close. We have similar professional lifestyles and schedules. We can safely vent since our hierarchy don't interact directly. When I said we'll see each other soon, but perhaps not until after the holidays, he got it. The coming weeks will no doubt be filled with Advent duties for both of us at our respective parishes followed by the joyous Christmas season. On Jan. 7th life will become somewhat normal again  for both of us and we'll (hopefully) be able to make time to meet regularly.

Veni Sancte Spiritus

This weekend was an incredible one at St. Francis of Assisi (you'll recall, not my actual parish). Eighty-five of my smart, talented, obnoxious, clever, annoying, fun students received Confirmation. I adore each and every one of them... even those who are obnoxious or annoying at times. The ways the Holy Spirit spoke to me this weekend were numerous. I am moved to tears just thinking about it.

Friday evening we have a prayer vigil. The music director chants a litany, invoking the saints whose names the students have selected. As I was arriving at the church to set up, I thought about my own Confirmation. My godmother, who was also my sponsor, drove 3+ hours on a Wednesday night to be present for my Confirmation and brought with her my aunt. My aunt and uncle both passed away this past year. As we approach the Feast of All Souls, I couldn't help but be reminded of both of them- the countless cards and notes for special occasions, such as my own Confirmation as well as the many special events in my life that my aunt attended. I pray Aunt E and Uncle M are watching over me.

The prayer vigil was a beautiful service. Having some semblance of what to expect this year, unlike last year as a newbie, it was great. Additionally, I'd had the time to make some changes to make the service more my own. It felt natural, calm, and peaceful.

Saturday was hectic, but in a good way. My assistant and I spent much of the day ensuring last minute details were handled, pews reserved, reception set up for and such. It's a holy chaos, for sure!

Mass was long... 2 1/2 hours. The bishop  promptly apologized after Mass: "I'm out of practice from the spring Confirmations. I rarely go over 2 hours." It didn't matter to me. Every moment was worth it. The choir sang beautifully. The homily was relative and touching (though a tad long). The bishop personalized the Confirmation experience in a way that made every long moment worth it!

Each Confirmand stepped up and I was there to escort/cattle herd the line forward. This gave me a front row seat to the bishop's interactions. Here's what I prepped the kids for:

          Step forward. You sponsor will say, "Bishop this is (insert Confirmation name here)."

The bishop will trace the cross on your forehead with holy chrism and say, 

"Be sealed with the Holy Spirit". You say, "Amen."

He will shake your hand and say, "Peace be with you."

Respond, "And with your Spirit."

Return to your pew.

Here's what really happened (with slight variations for each Confirmand):

"Hi! Who have you brought with you this evening?," Bishop referring to sponsor.

"And why did you pick him/her?"

"Those sound like great qualities. You should learn from him/her."

"I see you chose saint X. Why is that?" or "What is it you liked about that saint?"

"He/she exhibits these qualities which you and I need to have in our lives.                                          Learn from the life of him/her." 

PROCEEDS WITH ABOVE RITUAL. 

Shakes sponsor's hand as well. Maybe another quip or comment before next person.

It took forever. The choir director kept running out of music to play. I stood to the side and dabbed my eyes. It was breathtaking. I loved every minute of it. I was so happy for and proud of my students. 

The bishop who confirmed me passed away earlier this year after a brief, painful battle with cancer. So, back to All Souls' Day, I thought of him as well. I remember nothing from my Confirmation because our interactions with the bishop were so brief and uniform. Rest in peace, Bishop D. You were a good person, but Bishop M was amazing. His Confirmation skills were top notch, no disrespect meant. 

After Mass we had a reception. Two students had gifts for me. Normally, I wouldn't mention this except that the gifts were reminiscent of my own Confirmation. I felt St. Rose of Lima and the Holy Spirit selected those gifts to touch my soul. One student presented me with a dozen roses. They aren't in season. It could have been any flower. No, the Holy Spirit sent roses with him. Even more touching, was the student who made me a bracelet and bookmark herself. Not only were they beautiful but the beads were shaped like, you guessed it, rosebuds. Don't tell me God wasn't intimately present in the choice of flowers and gifts from my students. St. Rose of Lima, pray for me. 

Now, it's Monday. I am enjoying a relaxing day off. The weekend was physically draining, but spiritually uplifting. What more could I ask for?

 

The Little DRE That Could...

Dorrie sent me a sweet, loving reminder today to keep blogging.  This one's for you, babe! Dorrie is my soul mate (her hubby might disagree), my sister from another mister, and my best friend. I love her in a way I cannot articulate. We've known each other since freshman year of college and I could write a whole blog post about our friendship. Maybe I'll do that soon. She and I have very different jobs, but both ridiculously stressful and time consuming. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind for me and I'm still in the midst of it. I'm having a stressful day so maybe stopping for a few minutes in the midst of it is a good thing.


My doctor is getting on my case to work less than 10 hours/day and only 5 days/week. I would LOVE to do that. The problem? I don't know how to do that and get my job done. To do my job WELL would require 2 full-time catechetical people and 1 full-time administrative person. Instead, it's me and a part-time administrative person (who is amazing, but is human like me).

Sunday, I was at church 13 hours straight. I took a 15 minute lunch break. I did have an hour and a half down time starting around 3, but I was afraid if I went home, I would fall asleep and miss Mass and my evening meetings. I cat napped at my desk.

Monday, I got here at 8:30 and had to teach first thing. I was booked with teaching sessions and meetings through early afternoon. Around 2 I realized I was at my limit. I went home for 4 hours. I did laundry and took a nap. I came back to work for my evening meetings and was at church until 9.

Tuesday, I started my day at the grocery store since I had nothing to each for lunches this week. I got to work around 9 and worked straight through to 9 pm. Several crises had occurred during class time so I tossed and turned all night.

Wednesday, I rolled in around 10, exhausted from the night before. I spent most of the day calling and emailing parents trying to get to the bottom of some issues. Fun. I left work at 6 (only because I "donated" my office to be used for youth minister interviews since every other meeting space on campus was booked), but then spent an hour and a half supply shopping before going home. I crashed at 9.

This morning, I was at the grocery store first thing getting snacks for a meeting I was hosting. I taught for half an hour while my assistant played hostess to local DREs. Our meeting was supposed to last 2 1/2 hours, but the quick "check-in" portion became a gripe fest. Twenty-five minutes before we were set to adjourn, I had yet to give my check-in and we had gotten to none of our business. Bless me, Father for I have sinned. I told a lie to the DREs. The room we were using was not booked for a 1 pm meeting, but I had to get them out of there. We had run 45 minutes long, I had yet to have lunch, and I was falling asleep as well as starving.

Tonight I plan to work late to get some projects done while I have access to my atria. There are still many Catechesis of the Good Shepherd materials to make and I need to work out some sort of system for covering our shelves when the students aren't present. Too many people are getting into our space and messing with our items. It's devastating.

This weekend is Confirmation so I'll be busy all weekend. I anticipate taking all/most of Monday off. It will be my first day off in 8 days. I haven't had two days off in a given week in over a month.

How do I function?I try to squeeze in some down time- 5 minutes of candy crush or an online episode of a favorite sitcom during dinner at my desk. During the week, our staff has lunch together from noon to one.

Friends? Family? HA. The stacks of invites to Beloved events, alumnae activities for my college, and other things go un-returned. I don't have close friends in my immediate vicinity, but I live in a very large metro area. I have tons of friends and the majority of my cousins only an hour or so away. One of my high school best friends moved to a local suburb a few weeks ago and I have yet to see her. By the time I get off work, I am too tired to make plans to see anyone. I saw people this summer. I hope they're all still alive in June.

I long for having a life again. When I did similar work at a smaller parish, I had a life. I played euchre one night/week, socialized with friends on a regular basis and raised a family. My life has lost all balance. I have used the divorce as an excuse for being married to my job- no husband, no stepkid, no dog... guess I don't need a life. I want to date again. I have found card/board game groups here but none meet on nights that fit my schedule. I am too busy to organize my own. I am hoping our parish organizes a young adult group soon. It's something we've been working on. Sadly, that's my only hope for meeting people in this area. And I won't be a young adult that much longer. :D

I love what I do. I love who I do it with and who I do it for.  If not for that, I would have given up a long time ago. I need to bring balance back into my life. It won't be easy, but it's the only way I can make it uphill. And that is the story of the little DRE that could. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Keep calm...

While trendy internet memes are not usually my favorite thing, my personal take on the "Keep Calm and Carry On" trend has made me smile this past week. The logo above is from Catechesis of the Good Shepherd and part of what we do in our work with children is make the materials students use in the atrium (our designated classroom space). Since our parish atria needed major updating, I had ordered lots of materials this summer and purchased necessary items to make other materials.


Well, the summer got busy. Part of my personal goals have been to NOT work 50-60 hours/week as frequently as I had been. That meant some stuff got pushed to the back burner over the summer. So, now I've got nearly 300 students starting classes in 18 hours and there's still much to be done. Guess this week might be a long one, but that's ok. Loving my job gives me the energy to keep plowing ahead, even when it seems daunting.

My catechists and I have been busy sanding, painting, cutting, gluing, and more the past few days. Tomorrow, I will whip the atria (or at least 2 of them since we don't need Level III until Wednesday) into better shape. It will be a long, busy day, but definitely fruitful to watch the children at work! I cannot wait!!

So, how am I going to keep calm when I'm feeling so very behind and there's much to do? How can I prevent lots of those 12-14 hour work days? Survey says... LET IT GO! I realize it's going to take 3-5 years to build the programs at St. Francis to the level where I want them to be and I have to live with that. Projects can wait six months, or a year, or more. I can tell people, you will have to do this project if you want it to happen.

For me, the key to doing this is lessening my anxiety. I tend to get overwhelmed and anxious when I think of where the programs are and where I want them to be. Sigh. I have a personal goal of making it to daily Mass at least once/week, in addition to Sunday Mass. I've done fairly well at this, just missing this week (but it was a short week anyhow due to Labor Day). I've started seeing a spiritual director and hope to keep this up twice/month. When my prayer/spiritual life are on track, I don't have as much anxiety. It's that simple. (Note: ice cream is also good for anxiety, but doesn't have the lasting impact of prayer and the results on your waistline aren't so good.)

In discussing my prayer life with my spiritual director, she gave me a terrific tip. I usually use mantras with English words when I pray because they're familiar.  She advised me to use the mantra, "Maranatha" which is often translated, "Come, Lord Jesus". Why? She said when I'm praying and using my own language, I am more likely to start thinking of things I have to do or worrying. She suggested using this word will free me from those associations. I just learned that tip this morning and haven't attempted it yet. I am eager to try it tonight!

I look forward to a calmer, less stressful (school) than the last one or, at least, making sure I focus under less stress/pressure than I put on myself last year. 

Happy Anniversary? (Part 2)

What other fun adventures have I been on since divorcing? Probably the biggest was just getting my present job, moving, and finding my career exactly where I wanted it to be. How tremendous!

I've made trips to the Pierogi Fest in 2012 and 2013. If you're of Eastern European ancestry, like me, it's definitely a can't miss event. Plus, it takes place in my dad's hometown. Last year I joined some cousins for the parade. Since they're more distant cousins I've only met a few times, it was a lovely treat. This year, I spent most of Saturday there with my dad & sis. We ran into a number of family members as well as my friend, Rhett. I'd got him hooked on the fest a few years prior. Neither of us realized the other would be there that day! Why does this matter? I could never convince Voldemort to make the trip for the festival, even though he loved pierogi. Well, pooh on you! I'm making it an annual tradition and don't mind planning my summers around it!

In July I turned 34. My parents were in town for the day. We had a terrific time, but I needed something fun to do that evening. I hadn't really made plans since I initially didn't know when they'd be leaving so early. What to do? What to do? No time to make plans with friends, but I did happen to know my childhood crushes were playing in town. I was a HUGE New Kids on the Block fan from about the ages of 10-14. I had never seen them play and when they came to Iowa a few years back, guess who scoffed? Well, it's just me now! So, I called and found a last minute floor seat to see them play along with 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men. What a terrific time! I got to high five most of the guys that night (everyone but Joe), got a handshake and thank you at the end of the show from Jordan, got a birthday wink from Joe (yes, I totally had a sign trying to get some extra TLC), and a wave from Jon. Such a silly, fun, magical night of feeling like a 12 year-old girl... and squealing like one too.

For years I've been talking about making a silent retreat at Gethsemani, KY. While I couldn't make that happen, I was able to make a 7-day silent retreat at another retreat center in the Midwest. I had a delightful time. It was peaceful, relaxing, and quiet. Yes, I managed to not speak for an entire week... with no regrets. It was just tremendous! Someone else in my life would have never believed I could do that. I believe in myself, even/when no one else does.

Lots of other great things have happened in the past two years:

• Tons of fun adventures with my niece
• New craft projects
• Decorating an apartment my way (not that I mind compromise, but this is fun)
• Helping as a Scout leader for a short time (before I moved)
• Buying a car on my own (never done that without my dad or L.V.)
• Blaring my favorite music in the house and car
• Watching TV shows that L.V. mocked me for liking

So, September really has brought a happy anniversary. I'm happy I am free to be myself. And if there is meant to be a new Mister in my life at some point, we'll just make sure he loves me for me and doesn't squash my spirit. 

Happy Anniversary? (Part 1)

Today should have been my 7th wedding anniversary. Instead, it's the 2 year and one day anniversary of my divorce from Lord Voldemort. Without getting into all the nitty gritty, Voldemort told me he was leaving me in Feb. 2011. In April, I left where we were living and moved in with my parents. He was working on finalizing the divorce all summer. As much as I didn't want the divorce, I begged Voldemort to get everything wrapped up before our 5th anniversary. The only court date he could get was just 24 hours before our should-have-been-anniversary. But that's not what this post is about.

I've eluded to the fact that I am much happier now than I was when I was married. This post is a tribute to all the ridiculous fun I've created for myself in the past 2+ years, without Voldemort holding me back. So, the divorce finalized just before our anniversary. To say I'd been a wreck was an understatement. If I added up the hours I spent in bed from Feb. 2011-Nov. 2011, it would probably be more than the hours I've spent in bed the 30+ years prior. I would wake up around 2 in the afternoon, shower, go tutor for a few hours, come home and go to bed. I would  cry, sleep, eat junk food, and watch TV from 8 pm until the next afternoon. It wasn't pretty. A pint of  mint chocolate chip or 3 bowls of off-brand cocoa puffs constituted a meal. So, when I look at the fact that I was dealing with all that, it's pretty impressive.

In April, I picked up and moved 500 miles back to where my parents, siblings, and niece live. I needed to regroup. While I'd made the 9-10 hour drive straight through multiple times, I was too emotional to trust myself powering through. So how did I start my life as a single gal? I drove 350 miles to Dorie & Jack's house. They were beyond phenomenal. I thought I would be a crying, blubbering mess, but I wasn't. And my friends knew what I needed. It was a week before Easter so Dorie & I headed to her church for Reconciliation. It was beyond essential, given where I was emotionally and spiritually at that time. After treating me to a pedicure, she and I headed home for an evening of games, wine, laughter, and tremendous food (Jack is a stellar chef!). The next day, I was refreshed and renewed for the last few hours of my trip home. God bless them both for being with me on one of the most trying days of my life. 

In June 2011, my friends and I had our 10-year college anniversary. Despite how crappy I was feeling, I went to South Bend to spend some time with some of my closest friends. I won't deny that I was a teary mess much of our time together, but this post is about the FUN stuff. We went for dinner at this place called The Mark which is amazing. My 2 dear friends, Rhett & Jane, decided I need comfort food as well as need to complete a food dare (a harken back to dining hall days and the normal go-to dare friend was not there). The following is what I posted on FB that day:

Rhett & Jane decide I need to be the one to try the weirdest food on the menu. They also decide it must be a comfort food. This might be because I've broken down crying about 3 times in the first 20 minutes we've spent together. They are good at making me laugh. I'm glad my friends have terrific stories about running into brick walls and trees to turn my tears into hysterical giggles. They want to order me a combo of liver & onions and mac & cheese. No thanks, friends. The strangest comfort food is called The Double Dare (there was no Triple Dare or Triple Dog Dare-- whew!). This is the The Double Dare description per the menu on their website:Veal meatloaf atop a savory Belgian waffle,mashed potatoes, sweet peas, stout demi glace. I refuse because it has peas.

Brett: You're not going to order it just because it has peas?
Kathy: I HATE PEAS!
Joanne: The veal meatloaf isn't a turn off?
Kathy: I LIKE VEAL!
I opt for and order the next strangest thing I can find b/c it doesn't have peas. It's called the Turkey Tower:
Oven-roasted turkey atop a savory Belgian
waffle, mashed potatoes & fresh-herbed gravy,
with house-made cranberry sauce
I realize now how disgusting the photos make this look. It is not disgusting. It is amazingly tasty! I ordered the cranberry sauce on the side, but ended up adding it on top because it really was that darn good.

So, that was the start of me having fun and doing goofy stuff. The divorce finalized just before Labor Day weekend. I wanted to do something fun. My friend, Meg, works for the Red Cross and had told me that I could get free passes to Cedar Point by giving blood. My mom is a regular donor so she and I went out on the specified day, gave blood, and got 2 free Cedar Point tickets. Due to the holiday weekend, no one was free to join me. I went by myself. Even with my self-esteem struggling, I'm still confident enough to drive to Ohio, get a hotel room, and spend 2 days enjoying something I've loved since I was a kid: riding roller coasters! I hadn't been to Cedar Point since my college days. L.V. and I were supposed to go during a vacation, but car trouble made us change our plans.

My two days were an absolute blast! The weather was in the 70s, so I wasn't sweating in any of the lines. As a single rider, I was regularly needed to fill up a car, usually allowing me to bypass up to 5 or 6 people ahead of me insistent on riding with their friends. Roller coasters give you the chance to scream away your stress in a fun environment. I met and talked to lots of interesting people in line. The best part was riding a coaster that had gone up during the years I hadn't been to The Point: the Top-Thrill Dragster. Due to it only having a lap belt and going practically straight up then straight down, it was INSANE. By far my scariest coaster experience ever... and totally worth it! I nicknamed it the Scarier Than Divorce Coaster. If you aren't familiar, check out this: 

During the summer of 2012, I had the chance to do a number of things I wouldn't have done while married. The first was a road trip with Rhett and Jane. Our good college buddy Mary was getting married in Omaha and we, along with nearly a dozen other college pals, were making up the wedding choir. If I'd been married, it's very likely Voldemort would have either:

• found an excuse for us not to go
• done a quick day trip the day of the wedding, likely by myself

But like a Goonie, this is my time. So what happened? Jane drove from Cincy to my parents' house on a Tuesday to spend the night. We also had time to catch up with our mutual friend, Dee, and enjoyed an awesome dinner with her. On Wednesday, we spent the early part of the day hanging out with my parents and niece. After lunch, we jumped in the car and headed to our beloved South Bend. 

Once in South Bend, Jane & I did some last minute wedding shopping, got some supplies for what would be a road trip joke  on Rhett, and headed to ND. Rhett works on campus, and we waited for him to get off work and did some shopping in the bookstore. After dinner together, we headed to Rhett's house for a sleepover. 

Early Thursday, we piled into two cars and headed out. After the wedding, the 3 of us were heading to different parts of the country: Rhett to Colorado (if I recall), Jane to the Badlands, and myself to my new place of employment for orientation and apartment hunting. I would take the train and my friends would be driving, hence the need for 2 cars when were all going to the same place. From SB to Omaha, I tried to regularly switch back and forth between the two vehicles. This was also because as much as my friends love me, I have a tendency to get goofy and obnoxious. It's always a possibility that my silliness will get me left along the side of I-80 at any given moment. 

We arrived to Omaha in time for the bachlelorette  party. It was low key- just a nice dinner out followed by personal gifts for the bride, and dancing. We skipped the dancing after such a long drive and called it an early night. Jane, Rhett, and I haven't shared a hotel room in, probably 10 years or more. Just being with them 24/7 was a barrel of laughs and I seriously enjoyed every minute of it. Friday the 3 of us played tourist for the first part of the day. I had sprained my ankle the day before the road trip. I say this only because I was a little cranky at times, in pain, and not as mobile as I would have liked. Jane & Rhett were super accommodating and patient with my occasional whining and overall gimpiness. I  say this only because I know Voldemort would not have been so patient. 

Friday afternoon/evening was full of joyous surprises. Rhett, Jane, and I didn't know about all our other college friends who we would end up singing with. We had all been friends with Mary and many of us had sung with one another in a mix of about 3 or 4 different choirs while in college.That night, I reconnected with about a half dozen folks I'd sung with in college and was reintroduced to some acquaintances I hadn't really remembered. Given that I was the only Belle in a roomful of Domers, it was no surprise I didn't recall all of them. The rehearsal dinner was just so much fun, because it was like the 11 years from college hadn't happened and we were all 21/22 again. We also made some new friends along the weekend. What joy!

Saturday was busy with the wedding and reception. It was beyond fun! My train was leaving town at some ungodly hour (3 or 4 am, I believe). Rhett & Jane called it a night around midnight. Two or three different folks stayed up with me, drinking wine, and keeping me company until I had to catch a cab to the train station. Voldemort would have been such a party pooper about my odd hour travel plans. Instead, friends new & old kept me company and created a delightful memorable evening. What a blessing!!

I've had many more adventures since I divorced, but that will wait for another post. This is enough for now. Stay tuned for the sequel!

Back to School

It's that time of year, folks! The kiddies are back to school or heading back. I met with two of my catechists yesterday who gifted me with this tremendous card, shown above. Inside it says, "Wishing you a stress-free year." I LOVE IT!

My religious education students return the week of Sept. 8th, but the school kids have been back since the 20th. I am a very fortunate DRE in that I am considered faculty and get to enjoy many experiences with the school students as well as the religious education students. A mom and her three kids were in my office last week and the little boy, about 5, asked, "Do you have any kids?" I bent down, looked him in the eye and said, "I'm not a mom, but am responsible for almost 900 kids at St. Francis of Assisi  (parish name changed to protect the innocent... or guilty!) school and church: 450 in the school and 400 in religious education. Those 900 include you and your sisters." I am blessed.

On Tuesday, I spent time in first grade teaching them about the cross. We discussed what it means, where we see it, and what happened there. The discussion was nothing short of brilliant. When I asked what happened on the cross, I heard, "Jesus died." "They nailed him to a cross." "But he comes back every spring!" (I loved this theologically incorrect, but nonetheless outstanding answer!!) "They put a crown of thorns on his head."

When I asked why their answers took my breath away. "So we could have a better life." "Because he didn't answer the bad man's question." "So we could learn not to fight and be mean and stuff."

Children are full of deep, brilliant, theological insights. They are capable of more rich thinking than we ever give them credit for. What theological thoughts and insights have children in your life shared with you?

Becoming a Yoga Babe

I'm overweight. Some would call me fat, technically even obese but I don't use those words. One- they're too negative and two- they imply my self-esteem is largely tied to my weight. While it gets the better of me sometimes, I try not to let that happen. Without sounding cocky, I have a pretty face and take time with my appearance to ensure I look my best.

I made some major lifestyle changes about 6 years ago. I was unemployed and looking for work. In addition to job searching, I made taking better care of myself a priority. I used a calorie counting website, took up walking and biking with regularity, made healthy substitutions (whole wheat pasta versus white), and so on. I definitely allowed myself to splurge. I would still eat out, but have lemonade or water instead of pop, check the calories of dishes at my favorite restaurants before leaving the house so I had healthier options in mind when I arrived, and so on. I ate dessert on special occasions. I never went hungry.

Lord Voldemort (no sense naming my ex husband and he definitely tried to destroy my spirit, so it's quite fitting) complained. Constantly. Why are you making two kinds of pasta (I'd serve white to him and the step-kiddo)? Can't you just eat smaller portions of what we're eating? Why are you always logging your calories and exercise? I was doing what worked for me. Did I mention Lord Voldemort is also obese? And wasn't trying to lose weight at the time.

The griping got to me and when I returned to work it was nearly impossible to motivate myself to keep it going. I had lost 30 pounds and dropped two sizes. I looked and felt TERRIFIC. Within 3 months, I'd put  most of it back on. I was working at a desk job I hated (the only 6 months in my professional career where I wasn't at a parish or non-for-profit), was fighting with Bellatrix (Lord Voldemort's friend who he later left me for) which was tricky since we worked at the same place, and was being sexually harassed by a creepy coworker. Voldemort kept telling me to suck it up. I let his callous, non-caring attitude destroy my happiness and success. Sigh.

Never again! Especially since the divorce I have been certain to rid my life of any and all toxic relationships. Don't need 'em. Don't have time for 'em. I have blocked so many people on Facebook, stopped returning phone calls of others, and so on. Anyhow, that said... I have completed my first year of this new job and become relatively settled in my new surroundings. This is MY TIME.

A friend of mine recently started a business called YogaBabe. She needed volunteers to try her 12-day cleanse, which I eagerly agreed to do. It wasn't a crazy juice fast, but a normal, fresh diet, that helped jump start my weight loss. I had terrific success and dropped 1-2 sizes (depending on what I am wearing!) in that short time. I haven't had pop in weeks. I am eating far more fruits and veggies than ever. I am still learning to balance and incorporate all this, but it's getting there. The yoga routines are still a bit tough for me. I don't have the strength in my feet/ankles, and hands to hold the positions. I know as I continue to lose weight, this will get easier.

I am hoping to lose 10 pounds in the next month. We'll see how I do. Even if I don't meet my next mini goal, I know I am in a much better place to manage my health and not let anyone/anything sabotage me. I am feeling happier, healthier, and more complete than I have in a long time. Life is good, my friends. Life is good.

Going au natural

I had heard from friends for awhile now about the "no poo" method for taking care of your hair. I tried it for a time and really liked it, but I got lazy. Lazy meant back to shampoo, but two months ago I vowed I was getting back to the no poo method. Everyone does this differently and everyone's hair takes differently to it. My hair has never looked or felt better. Here's how I do it:

• Every three days or so I "wash" my hair. I brush all the tangles out before I get in the shower since I won't be using a traditional conditioner.
• I take a large, plastic tumbler and put in about 1 tbsp. of baking soda
• I fill the tumbler with warm water and pour it over my head (kinda swirl it around so the baking soda dissolves) 
• I thoroughly scrub my scalp and rinse
• Pour about 2-3 tbsp. of apple cider vinegar (depends on the length of my hair at the time) in tumbler, add about a cup of warm water, swirl, and pour over my head
• I work this through my hair a bit and rinse

 Some days I let my hair air dry. If that's the case, it means I am going curly and I pull some aloe straight off the plant and work it through my hair in place of gel. TERRIFIC STUFF! Other days, I use the straightening iron (yeah, I know, it isn't natural, but give me a break). If my hair is feeling dry, which is rarely is these days, I'll work a little coconut oil through the tips to help prevent damage.

And hairspray? I make that! I rarely need it anymore.  Now that I'm letting the natural oils in my hair do their work, my hair tends to hold its style better. But if I know my hair is going to get messed up or needs to stay nice longer, I can add some homemade hairspray. There are lots of great recipes online. My favorite is a simple one:

• Fill pot of water with 2 c. water
• Slice one (medium-sized) lemon and put in the pot
• Bring water to a boil and KEEP BOILING until mixture is reduced to about 1 c. liquid
• Let cool
• Strain and pour into spray bottle
• Add 1 tbsp. of rubbing alcohol

Hairspray will keep for about 2 weeks at room temp. Make in smaller batches if you only use periodically as I do. I've read the lemon juice can have a lightening effect on your hair if used daily. I don't use it often enough to have that problem. Do you homework and find a recipe that works well for you!

The other thing I do is brush my hair once or twice/day with a good, boar bristle brush. This helps distribute the natural oils and keeps my hair healthy. I hope you have fun trying the no poo method at some point in the near future!

Getting to know ED

Hi! Howdy! Yo! Welcome! Hey! My name is the Epistemological Doorknob, but you can call me ED. Why the Epistemological Doorknob? I assure you, it has nothing to do with my having a deep, philosophical understanding of the inner workings of the fixtures in my apartment so much as it has to do with a late night, (probably drunken) game of euchre in college where little poetry word magnets were used to keep score and per my college best friend, Dorrie, I became the Epistemological Doorknob and have been ever since. You could argue that ED is also a suitable name  since I do suffer from erectile dysfunction. As a 34 year-old woman, I have yet to have an erection. Ever.

Let's make a long story short. I graduated in 2001 from Saint Mary's College in South Bend with the above-mentioned Dorrie as well as dozens of other phenomenal ladies. I obtained a B.A. in both Philosophy and Religious Studies. My career took some amazing twists and turns, but always in ministry of some sort. Fast forward to 2013. I am divorced and working in parish ministry at a tremendous Catholic parish where I work with terrific people. I have a cute little apartment in the suburb where I work and life is grand.

I recently realized how much of myself I had lost during my marriage. I became a shadow of the goofy, fun, happy, outgoing ED my friends & family know and love. Now that I have been Lord Voldemort-free for nearly two years, I am in an EXCELLENT place. My career is going well. I do things that I want without worrying what anyone but myself thinks. That's not to say I'm immoral or reckless. Nope. Just enjoying life and all the terrific things it has to offer.

So, this is a place for me to share about ED being ED. Whether it's career struggles, a homemade soap recipe turning my skin black (this hasn't happened yet, but stay tuned), a favorite recipe, or whatever latest adventure I created for myself, you never know what you'll find here. I hope you'll join me on this journey... wherever it takes us!